Oh, blog. How I have neglected you.

Hmm, plenty to talk about, but nothing I can actually… talk… about…

So, for now, here are some random thoughts:

I need to buy a cherry pitter. Each day, usually after our walk, Thumbelina and I sit down to a bowl of fresh bing cherries. I pop one in my mouth, keep half, get rid of the seed and Thumbelina slurps down what’s left. By the end of our ritual, we’re both covered in cherry juice. I tend to put both of us in the shower after that, though one time I waited and it appeared as if I’d been experimenting with gory sacrifice… creepy, I know.

Thumbelina’s speech and language is improving. She came into the kitchen today, opened the refrigerator door and said, “I. want. eggs.” !!!!!! Oh, the celebrating. Swirling, twirling, cheering, clapping. The rest of the night was plenty of, “I. want… cake?” Yeah, nice try. She finally got tired, though, and started saying things like, “I. egg. chair. No, no no no!!!! I. want. (pause)… nurse?” Ha, so cute. She was trying to move the chair away from the counter and explain to me her eggs were ready, but being that I’m a notoriously late dinner-maker, the poor thing was practically falling asleep already.

We went and had our allergy tests taken this week, so we’re awaiting the results. Up until the last week or two, our vegan resolve was strong… and then Father’s Day hit, and a bakery cupcake (or two) ruined everything. Since then, it’s been a mess of sugar and dairy beckoning to me daily… but, that stops tomorrow. I was contemplating the idea of waiting to jump back on the health wagon for after July 4th, but knowing the free-for-all that might occur between now and then, I’ll not do that to myself.

My hair is getting long. I’m fighting this weird urge to get a body wave for my hair. Isn’t that the most bizarre desire, ever? Topher mentioned that Miss Anti-Chemical suddenly wanting to purposely put poison on top of her head seemed a little… out of character? Maybe so. But I don’t really want to cut my hair, at least not more than a trim - and having it be long, straight and heavy during the summer is so depressing. I end up just wearing it back from my face, just to keep it out of my eyes, and I look tired and frazzled. Plus I have some natural wave to it, which becomes over-abundant during the humid months, but just enough to look unkempt instead of prettily tousled. “Doing” my hair takes far too much time, since attempting to smooth it and then curling the ends after blow-drying just becomes tedious after awhile. Soooo, I’m thinking of getting it waved and seeing if that adds some easy options and variety. We’ll see. I need a few more ounces of bravery, first.

Since I’ve joined Costco, I’ve started reading… romance novels. Of the Nora Roberts variety. Why? Because they’re cheap! And who can resist a good love story with murder, intrigue and pahhhhhhhhhssion. Topher and I will be in the middle of a conversation and he’ll suddenly quote a novel and pretend he’s not. “You take me higher than I’ve ever been before. I… I… THIRST for you.” He also steals them and begins reading them out loud, which for some reason embarrasses me, because I feel like I should be reading something… literary. Worthwhile. So I end up chasing him around the house, attempting to get my book back, and Thumbelina believes this to be the best game ever. So when Topher is at work, she’ll steal my book, snack, hairclip or any number of things and run shrieking through the house, stopping every few moments to see if I’m hot in pursuit.

She has a tickling addiction. She calls tickling, “Kay-kays.” Every once in awhile, she’ll wake up from a deep sleep, take my hand and ask for more kay-kays. Her favorite part isn’t the actual tickling, but the anticipation. All I have to do is make my fingers start walking, and she’s in hysterics immediately, stumbling away from me, screaming, “Nooooo!” and giggling that lovely toddler laugh.

So, I think we can all agree that the crafting gene missed me by a mile. My attempts at crafting are well-documented and many an anonymous commenter has been deleted when musing about my efforts! (Though they did make me laugh with some of THEIR creativity.) Anyway - one rainy day, sitting in my work room, surrounded by all the materials of craft projects gone by - I realized that with all the forlorn fabric swatches and embroidery thread and craft glue and scrapbooking materials galore, I might be able to come up with a few wooden miniature dolls for Thumbelina. I painted her cousin a small dollhouse around Christmas time, and Thumbelina was so possessive of it that I ultimately made one for her, too. But, she needed a few dolls to play with inside of it. So, I set to work and came up with something like this…

I’ve made several variations of these little wooden girls, but this particular type is Thumbelina’s most favorite and what I’ve decided to try selling (!) at Etsy. (I know, I laughed at myself too when I even considered such a bizarre notion - me, selling handmade items! Ha!) But.. this idea came about when brainstorming about my $1000 challenge.

What is my $1000 challenge? Basically I found myself lusting after a particularly fantastic lens for my Nikon camera and the only way I could even CONSIDER buying such an expensive present for myself would be to earn the money. And no, it doesn’t actually cost a thousand dollars, but it’s such a nice, round number that I’m going with it. But once I started thinking about spending money on something so frivolous, other (more practical) things came to mind. Because yes, there are far more necessary things to consider spending money on. Like, this house. And the green living room that haunts me. Or Thumbelina’s speech therapy. Or a trip for our fifth year anniversary…. oh wait, that isn’t practical. But alas, the tornado has set us back quite a bit (but not in any suffering sort of way) and I’ve found myself wondering what small ways I can contribute to our household income. Can I earn a thousand dollars - and if I can, what is stopping me from earning more? We are so blessed with Topher’s job, and yet I think if there is a way I can help our family by doing something I love to do - and do anyway, regardless - then, yay! And if no one buys my little dolls… well, I’ll survive. Plus, Thumbelina will have a new army of her beloved girls.

Now, I have this issue with perfectionism that I hide really well most of the time, but when it comes to creating… I struggle. Because I want it to be perfect. Everything from the dolls, the photos, the Etsy site, etc. But perfection eludes me and always will, so these last few days of plotting and planning and executing this little project have been a good lesson in humility. The picture icons, for instance, drove me craaazy… I didn’t know they crop photos from standard size to square. But, I rolled with it and didn’t rush out and take more pictures… I just told myself that next time, if there is a next time, I’ll take that into consideration when I shoot other items. When I took the photos, I tried timing it at just before sunset - which was great - for, um, the first shot. And then the rest get darker, which irritated me, but… again, I rolled with it. I’m doing this because I LIKE it and not because I want to torture myself with an abstract idea of perfection, right? Um, sure. And as for the dolls… well, I adored making them, and no, they aren’t perfect, but they are handmade with much love.

So, I’m unveiling my Etsy site! With the caveat that it is most definitely still under construction, and only five items are listed… with many more to come. Enjoy looking! Here is a peek:

The banner, which I’ll probably change, because I realize it’s a little hard to read - but, I was so excited (after multiple trial and error attempts) when I learned how to actually MAKE a banner that I was merely content to finally have something to display! (It’s definitely easier to look at full-size, but this will do.)

More wooden girls…

(Yes, this next one was the “just before sunset” shot.)

I should say that I have other ideas besides just listing my little dolls, but… baby steps!

And now, I am off to bed.

Well, after a week of pitiful popsicle peddling…

Thumbelina managed to mostly kick her fiesty cold to the curb. Yay!

We spent Saturday outside, enjoying the Springtime…

I love how she takes his face in her hand when she’s about to go in for the kiss.

Aren’t they cute?

Aside from our water adventures, Thumbelina and Topher decided to cut out the alphabet this weekend and arrange them in our upstairs hallway. Pretty exciting. If you’re two, that is, or a daddy who loves delighting his letter-loving daughter.

(I love their cute little bums. Shhh. Don’t tell Topher I said that.)

And here is Thumbelina, crackin’ the whip. “More letters, Daddy!” (Except it comes out as “Mo ledduhs, Dah-ee!”)

She’s so cute. So is he. Ahh. I heart them.

It is after 2am and I’m awake, wide awake actually, and sitting here blogging while Thumbelina wails the night away. We haven’t slept well in days. She has somehow contracted the upper respiratory… something or another… from hell, which she unfortunately has shared with me and it is now settling into my chest for a bitter week or two worth of coughing. Topher is also awake, poor guy, and attempting to cuddle her to sleep since I’ve worn out my welcome. The last few evenings have been spent in the hot shower, taking advantage of the steam and letting it inspire her nose to get rid of the gunk. She is so miserable and I wish I could make her feel better.

Why are we sick? I can’t figure that one out, since we’re eating so healthfully. Is it part of detox? We’ve been without animal products and caffeine for awhile now. We hardly eat any sugar, and it’s never the processed sweets from grocery stores - just occasionally in recipes or if I run out of agave nectar. I do know that I dragged her into every thrift store in a 20 mile radius last week, culling various treasures while she played with dirty plastic toys in the kid section. (Ew.) No matter how decrepit the used toy, she loves it. I wonder if she got some germy goodness from one of those adventures.

Despite the sick yukkies, today wasn’t all bad. We found out that Thumbelina is next on the list for speech services! Topher and I are THRILLED that she can take advantage of this opportunity - TWICE a week. We’re going to have to juggle some of our other activities to schedule everything, but her speech development is a big priority and I can’t wait for the intelligibility to be addressed. Not just for Topher and I to be able to understand her, but for Thumbelina to know with certainty that she’s being understood. I was thinking the other day about how frustrated I would be if I had to endure YEARS of people not understanding my earnest efforts to communicate! I’m so excited for my Thumbelina - we’ve been praying for this blessing to happen, as all the private services we researched were much too expensive. (We were quoted $300 a week by one therapist.)

I have more random things to share, but that will have to wait until later, since I hear…. nothing, and that means Thumbelina has finally fallen asleep. Hopefully my cough will let me do the same. I neeeeeeeed some sleeeeeeeeep.

Thumbelina is in the habit of dressing herself as of late, and favoring the layered look - despite the heat. Notice this ensemble which brings to mind a certain dessert of the rainbow sherbet variety…

She’s a very modest young lady and therefore wearing a pair of coordinating orange shorts beneath the dress. The pink undershirt is a size 12 months and one she plucked from a giveaway pile. So resourceful!

She’s still jumping. A lot.

And still a quiet contemplative sometimes, fascinated by the big kids.

I always wonder what she’s thinking.

I see Thumbelina growing up and changing quite a bit these days. Her language is developing, and so is her sense of self. We’ve had a symbiotic relationship for so long. It is bittersweet to observe her assertive personality unfold, with distinct preferences that aren’t dependent upon my own, nor selected with my guidance. I feel joyful that she’s recognizing herself as an authentic being, capable of choosing her individual path, day by day - but a little sad that her babyhood continues to shorten as time passes. Gratitude is inspired by moments such as this:

A reminder that she’s still my little one. Attached as ever to her dearest comfort.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that all of this bravery invested in “testing the waters of childhood” has brought about more frequent episodes of “Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

(Yes, I have a slide in my living room.)

This particular picture isn’t actually what I would consider a real cry - she’s trying, though, to sum up a few tears. She’s sad that I said we couldn’t go outside naked. Yes, I explained that I’m okay with HER strutting around the deck wearing nothing but her indispensable fuschia shoes - but she was distraught that Mama wouldn’t take her clothes off, too, and join in the outdoor nude frolicking. The tragedy. (When I used to imagine parenting, I had no idea that validating my child would involve repeating things like, “You want Mama to be naked. You want us to play naked outside. You want us to take off our clothes and dance outside to the Barney soundtrack.”)

Usually, on days with little sleep - the drama doesn’t stop, but persists. I won’t bore anyone with reliving the relentless and creative demands of a sleepy, nap-striking and pouty two-year-old, but…

On days such as this, it is a saving grace that Daddy will at some point in time walk through the door.

And they will play. And she will smile again.

And he will smile goofy, cheesy grins at me until I finally crack one back.

And they will talk, and I will listen, and my heart will soften. She is still finding her way.

Today, I find myself feeling very grateful for the mothers in my life. Especially the ones who raise their children next to mine - those who share with me their reasoning and commiseration and delight. The mamas who surround me in solidarity and support, who challenge me to learn more, strive harder and be better. I will never know the extent to which the sisterhood of mothering has influenced my ability to nurture Thumbelina as she grows up and into the world. But, I am thankful for having found the path I’ve chosen, and know I would not be here without the mamas who were willing to share with me their wisdom - and who continue to inspire by example. Sometimes, the strength to carry on is found in the mere knowledge that countless women across time and space have shared in my struggles and joy. I am thankful.

I came across this quote in a book I’m reading about unconditional parenting:

“Nothing you become will disappoint me; I have no preconception that I’d like to see you be or do. I have no desire to forsee you; only to discover you. You cannot disappoint me.”

It’s taken from a love letter between Mary Haskell and the poet, Khalil Gibran. I hope that one day, when Thumbelina reflects upon her childhood, she feels as embraced and cherished for her authenticity as this quote emboldens. And hopefully - thankfully - the mothers I am blessed to know will encourage me in loving without limitation the gift I’ve been given in my dearest Thumbelina.

(Thanks for making me a mama, little one.)

A very thoughtful friend created a gorgeous canvas of Thumbelina, using the picture I posted recently with her smoothie adventures. We were supposed to get together today so I could see it, but my poor lovebucket is having a hard time getting well again. So, Shawn posted her masterpiece on her own blog and I literally can’t stop gazing at it! It is beyond beautiful!!! Take a look!!! She is a scrappin’ goddess.

I’ve had several people ask me how the vegan thing is going, so I thought I’d update. The most common question I keep getting is, “But what are you actually eating?” Ha.

It’s hard, people, it’s hard! But not as hard as I thought it would be. It’s been a much smoother transition than I anticipated. We aren’t being very creative with dinner ideas right now, but I don’t tend to get very bored with the same meals anyway, so it might be awhile until we branch out further. (Although Dani is about to mail me some of her favorite vegan recipes, so we shall see… I think Topher would like me to kick things up a bit.)

Costco is rocking my world. I’m able to buy veggie patties that are made out of actual vegetables (instead of only soy), dried tart cherries and goji berries without any sulpher additives, huge amounts of organic spinach, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, avocadoes, peppers, apples, bananas, wild blueberries, strawberries, kiwi… are you tired of reading my grocery list yet? But it’s nice to buy bulk instead of running to the grocery store 2-3 times a week and stocking up on produce, hoping the price is reasonable. They also have organic nut butters, organic fruit spreads, organic alternative milks, hummus, etc. I’ve been surprised at how easy it is to find things we can actually eat and enjoy.

I make smoothies at least once a day, and tend to put kale and carrots or cucumbers into whatever frozen fruit we have on hand. (Whole Foods has frozen acai on sale this week, blender-ready, both sweetened and unsweetened - healthy!) We usually eat whole-grain oatmeal for breakfast, with applesauce or cut-up fruit and raisins. Lunch is nut butter and jam, or hummus and veggies on a pita, usually with a smoothie. Dinners have been bean and lentil soups, spinach salads, veggie patties, homemade cheese-less pizza with tomato sauce and veggie toppings, bean and veggie burritos… very exciting, yes, I know. Eating out has lost any appeal (outside of not having to make it myself), mostly because menu choices are so limited. Which is probably a healthy thing!

We snack on items like sunflower seeds, dried fruit and baked goods that we’ve homemade, like vegan banana bread or blueberry muffins. Oh, and shhh… chips & salsa, too. (Dr. Fuhrman isn’t a fan of additional salt in the diet, although we get unsalted tortilla chips from WF.) Thumbelina still recognizes the milk in the fridge (which belongs solely to Daddy) and asks me about it every once in awhile. I just tell her we don’t use milk on our cereal anymore, and she accepts that. She hasn’t asked for cereal or yogurt in awhile. Although cheese is still a hopeful request.

I spoke with the naturopath and he clarified that his test will screen 96 different food allergies, so I think we’ll go ahead and move forward with it. Her sensitivities are still a mystery to me and I notice that they continue to flare - so I’m wondering if wheat is a culprit. I hope not! However, I’ve read that it takes up to three weeks to see if eliminating dairy is truly significant, and we’ve only been attempting for a couple weeks. She has not had any dairy whatsoever, except that she ate a Luna bar with me - which I’d read on a dairy-free site was supposed to be dairy-free, but later realized this to not be true. Getting rid of cross-contamination is now our biggest challenge, because everything seems to be put through facilities that also handle dairy. So, I’m a little frustrated we now need to wait another three weeks to see if this is really making an impact or not, due to our Luna bar snack on the go. However, I really think that even if her allergen test shows that she isn’t allergic to dairy, we’ll probably stay off of it for the time being. I feel better not consuming it, even being sick! And I think she does, too.

So, in case anyone is wondering - no, we’re not starving as vegans (yet, anyway). I feel blessed that we’ve reached a comfortable framework for our nutritional desires and that we have the means in which to buy the food we selectively choose. It’s an easy gift to take for granted. I think back to my childhood of steak & potatoes and mac & cheese, realizing that my parents believed every meal should be hardy - and hope that Thumbelina will know that we did our best in trying to feed her as wholesomely as possible. She may roll her eyes at some of our granola habits, but hopefully she’ll recognize the love behind our veggie meals!

The other night, I made Thumbelina and myself a blended smoothie in hopes of kicking this cold that we (STILL!) have at the moment. I needed to carry another load of laundry down to the basement, so after reminding her I would be right back (she repeated “riiiiiiiiiiiight back!” to me), I zipped downstairs.

Only to return and see this guilty face waiting for me:

Yes, those are blueberries around her sweet little rosebud mouth. Here is her…creation:

Hmm.

I’m in the midst of reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort. I took a deep breath and first… tried not to laugh. (Lately I find myself giggling helplessly at most of her antics, and she now thinks everything is a joke - like it’s really funny to scale the outer stair railing and precariously circle the living room while balancing her tippy-toes on two inches of trim, five feet from the ground.) I squashed my desire to inquire “why” she felt inclined to put the crayons in her freshly-made drink. Instead, I just commented.

“You put crayons in your smoothie!”

Her eyes lit up and she clapped. I finally just laughed.

The streets around us.