I’m back. Sort of.

Oh, blog. How I have neglected you.

Hmm, plenty to talk about, but nothing I can actually… talk… about…

So, for now, here are some random thoughts:

I need to buy a cherry pitter. Each day, usually after our walk, Thumbelina and I sit down to a bowl of fresh bing cherries. I pop one in my mouth, keep half, get rid of the seed and Thumbelina slurps down what’s left. By the end of our ritual, we’re both covered in cherry juice. I tend to put both of us in the shower after that, though one time I waited and it appeared as if I’d been experimenting with gory sacrifice… creepy, I know.

Thumbelina’s speech and language is improving. She came into the kitchen today, opened the refrigerator door and said, “I. want. eggs.” !!!!!! Oh, the celebrating. Swirling, twirling, cheering, clapping. The rest of the night was plenty of, “I. want… cake?” Yeah, nice try. She finally got tired, though, and started saying things like, “I. egg. chair. No, no no no!!!! I. want. (pause)… nurse?” Ha, so cute. She was trying to move the chair away from the counter and explain to me her eggs were ready, but being that I’m a notoriously late dinner-maker, the poor thing was practically falling asleep already.

We went and had our allergy tests taken this week, so we’re awaiting the results. Up until the last week or two, our vegan resolve was strong… and then Father’s Day hit, and a bakery cupcake (or two) ruined everything. Since then, it’s been a mess of sugar and dairy beckoning to me daily… but, that stops tomorrow. I was contemplating the idea of waiting to jump back on the health wagon for after July 4th, but knowing the free-for-all that might occur between now and then, I’ll not do that to myself.

My hair is getting long. I’m fighting this weird urge to get a body wave for my hair. Isn’t that the most bizarre desire, ever? Topher mentioned that Miss Anti-Chemical suddenly wanting to purposely put poison on top of her head seemed a little… out of character? Maybe so. But I don’t really want to cut my hair, at least not more than a trim - and having it be long, straight and heavy during the summer is so depressing. I end up just wearing it back from my face, just to keep it out of my eyes, and I look tired and frazzled. Plus I have some natural wave to it, which becomes over-abundant during the humid months, but just enough to look unkempt instead of prettily tousled. “Doing” my hair takes far too much time, since attempting to smooth it and then curling the ends after blow-drying just becomes tedious after awhile. Soooo, I’m thinking of getting it waved and seeing if that adds some easy options and variety. We’ll see. I need a few more ounces of bravery, first.

Since I’ve joined Costco, I’ve started reading… romance novels. Of the Nora Roberts variety. Why? Because they’re cheap! And who can resist a good love story with murder, intrigue and pahhhhhhhhhssion. Topher and I will be in the middle of a conversation and he’ll suddenly quote a novel and pretend he’s not. “You take me higher than I’ve ever been before. I… I… THIRST for you.” He also steals them and begins reading them out loud, which for some reason embarrasses me, because I feel like I should be reading something… literary. Worthwhile. So I end up chasing him around the house, attempting to get my book back, and Thumbelina believes this to be the best game ever. So when Topher is at work, she’ll steal my book, snack, hairclip or any number of things and run shrieking through the house, stopping every few moments to see if I’m hot in pursuit.

She has a tickling addiction. She calls tickling, “Kay-kays.” Every once in awhile, she’ll wake up from a deep sleep, take my hand and ask for more kay-kays. Her favorite part isn’t the actual tickling, but the anticipation. All I have to do is make my fingers start walking, and she’s in hysterics immediately, stumbling away from me, screaming, “Nooooo!” and giggling that lovely toddler laugh.

Etsy

So, I think we can all agree that the crafting gene missed me by a mile. My attempts at crafting are well-documented and many an anonymous commenter has been deleted when musing about my efforts! (Though they did make me laugh with some of THEIR creativity.) Anyway - one rainy day, sitting in my work room, surrounded by all the materials of craft projects gone by - I realized that with all the forlorn fabric swatches and embroidery thread and craft glue and scrapbooking materials galore, I might be able to come up with a few wooden miniature dolls for Thumbelina. I painted her cousin a small dollhouse around Christmas time, and Thumbelina was so possessive of it that I ultimately made one for her, too. But, she needed a few dolls to play with inside of it. So, I set to work and came up with something like this…

I’ve made several variations of these little wooden girls, but this particular type is Thumbelina’s most favorite and what I’ve decided to try selling (!) at Etsy. (I know, I laughed at myself too when I even considered such a bizarre notion - me, selling handmade items! Ha!) But.. this idea came about when brainstorming about my $1000 challenge.

What is my $1000 challenge? Basically I found myself lusting after a particularly fantastic lens for my Nikon camera and the only way I could even CONSIDER buying such an expensive present for myself would be to earn the money. And no, it doesn’t actually cost a thousand dollars, but it’s such a nice, round number that I’m going with it. But once I started thinking about spending money on something so frivolous, other (more practical) things came to mind. Because yes, there are far more necessary things to consider spending money on. Like, this house. And the green living room that haunts me. Or Thumbelina’s speech therapy. Or a trip for our fifth year anniversary…. oh wait, that isn’t practical. But alas, the tornado has set us back quite a bit (but not in any suffering sort of way) and I’ve found myself wondering what small ways I can contribute to our household income. Can I earn a thousand dollars - and if I can, what is stopping me from earning more? We are so blessed with Topher’s job, and yet I think if there is a way I can help our family by doing something I love to do - and do anyway, regardless - then, yay! And if no one buys my little dolls… well, I’ll survive. Plus, Thumbelina will have a new army of her beloved girls.

Now, I have this issue with perfectionism that I hide really well most of the time, but when it comes to creating… I struggle. Because I want it to be perfect. Everything from the dolls, the photos, the Etsy site, etc. But perfection eludes me and always will, so these last few days of plotting and planning and executing this little project have been a good lesson in humility. The picture icons, for instance, drove me craaazy… I didn’t know they crop photos from standard size to square. But, I rolled with it and didn’t rush out and take more pictures… I just told myself that next time, if there is a next time, I’ll take that into consideration when I shoot other items. When I took the photos, I tried timing it at just before sunset - which was great - for, um, the first shot. And then the rest get darker, which irritated me, but… again, I rolled with it. I’m doing this because I LIKE it and not because I want to torture myself with an abstract idea of perfection, right? Um, sure. And as for the dolls… well, I adored making them, and no, they aren’t perfect, but they are handmade with much love.

So, I’m unveiling my Etsy site! With the caveat that it is most definitely still under construction, and only five items are listed… with many more to come. Enjoy looking! Here is a peek:

The banner, which I’ll probably change, because I realize it’s a little hard to read - but, I was so excited (after multiple trial and error attempts) when I learned how to actually MAKE a banner that I was merely content to finally have something to display! (It’s definitely easier to look at full-size, but this will do.)

More wooden girls…

(Yes, this next one was the “just before sunset” shot.)

I should say that I have other ideas besides just listing my little dolls, but… baby steps!

And now, I am off to bed.

My lovebuckets

Well, after a week of pitiful popsicle peddling…

Thumbelina managed to mostly kick her fiesty cold to the curb. Yay!

We spent Saturday outside, enjoying the Springtime…

I love how she takes his face in her hand when she’s about to go in for the kiss.

Aren’t they cute?

Aside from our water adventures, Thumbelina and Topher decided to cut out the alphabet this weekend and arrange them in our upstairs hallway. Pretty exciting. If you’re two, that is, or a daddy who loves delighting his letter-loving daughter.

(I love their cute little bums. Shhh. Don’t tell Topher I said that.)

And here is Thumbelina, crackin’ the whip. “More letters, Daddy!” (Except it comes out as “Mo ledduhs, Dah-ee!”)

She’s so cute. So is he. Ahh. I heart them.

zonked

It is after 2am and I’m awake, wide awake actually, and sitting here blogging while Thumbelina wails the night away. We haven’t slept well in days. She has somehow contracted the upper respiratory… something or another… from hell, which she unfortunately has shared with me and it is now settling into my chest for a bitter week or two worth of coughing. Topher is also awake, poor guy, and attempting to cuddle her to sleep since I’ve worn out my welcome. The last few evenings have been spent in the hot shower, taking advantage of the steam and letting it inspire her nose to get rid of the gunk. She is so miserable and I wish I could make her feel better.

Why are we sick? I can’t figure that one out, since we’re eating so healthfully. Is it part of detox? We’ve been without animal products and caffeine for awhile now. We hardly eat any sugar, and it’s never the processed sweets from grocery stores - just occasionally in recipes or if I run out of agave nectar. I do know that I dragged her into every thrift store in a 20 mile radius last week, culling various treasures while she played with dirty plastic toys in the kid section. (Ew.) No matter how decrepit the used toy, she loves it. I wonder if she got some germy goodness from one of those adventures.

Despite the sick yukkies, today wasn’t all bad. We found out that Thumbelina is next on the list for speech services! Topher and I are THRILLED that she can take advantage of this opportunity - TWICE a week. We’re going to have to juggle some of our other activities to schedule everything, but her speech development is a big priority and I can’t wait for the intelligibility to be addressed. Not just for Topher and I to be able to understand her, but for Thumbelina to know with certainty that she’s being understood. I was thinking the other day about how frustrated I would be if I had to endure YEARS of people not understanding my earnest efforts to communicate! I’m so excited for my Thumbelina - we’ve been praying for this blessing to happen, as all the private services we researched were much too expensive. (We were quoted $300 a week by one therapist.)

I have more random things to share, but that will have to wait until later, since I hear…. nothing, and that means Thumbelina has finally fallen asleep. Hopefully my cough will let me do the same. I neeeeeeeed some sleeeeeeeeep.

oh my little one…

Thumbelina is in the habit of dressing herself as of late, and favoring the layered look - despite the heat. Notice this ensemble which brings to mind a certain dessert of the rainbow sherbet variety…

She’s a very modest young lady and therefore wearing a pair of coordinating orange shorts beneath the dress. The pink undershirt is a size 12 months and one she plucked from a giveaway pile. So resourceful!

She’s still jumping. A lot.

And still a quiet contemplative sometimes, fascinated by the big kids.

I always wonder what she’s thinking.

I see Thumbelina growing up and changing quite a bit these days. Her language is developing, and so is her sense of self. We’ve had a symbiotic relationship for so long. It is bittersweet to observe her assertive personality unfold, with distinct preferences that aren’t dependent upon my own, nor selected with my guidance. I feel joyful that she’s recognizing herself as an authentic being, capable of choosing her individual path, day by day - but a little sad that her babyhood continues to shorten as time passes. Gratitude is inspired by moments such as this:

A reminder that she’s still my little one. Attached as ever to her dearest comfort.

Lately, though, I’ve noticed that all of this bravery invested in “testing the waters of childhood” has brought about more frequent episodes of “Wahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!”

(Yes, I have a slide in my living room.)

This particular picture isn’t actually what I would consider a real cry - she’s trying, though, to sum up a few tears. She’s sad that I said we couldn’t go outside naked. Yes, I explained that I’m okay with HER strutting around the deck wearing nothing but her indispensable fuschia shoes - but she was distraught that Mama wouldn’t take her clothes off, too, and join in the outdoor nude frolicking. The tragedy. (When I used to imagine parenting, I had no idea that validating my child would involve repeating things like, “You want Mama to be naked. You want us to play naked outside. You want us to take off our clothes and dance outside to the Barney soundtrack.”)

Usually, on days with little sleep - the drama doesn’t stop, but persists. I won’t bore anyone with reliving the relentless and creative demands of a sleepy, nap-striking and pouty two-year-old, but…

On days such as this, it is a saving grace that Daddy will at some point in time walk through the door.

And they will play. And she will smile again.

And he will smile goofy, cheesy grins at me until I finally crack one back.

And they will talk, and I will listen, and my heart will soften. She is still finding her way.

veggie tales

I’ve had several people ask me how the vegan thing is going, so I thought I’d update. The most common question I keep getting is, “But what are you actually eating?” Ha.

It’s hard, people, it’s hard! But not as hard as I thought it would be. It’s been a much smoother transition than I anticipated. We aren’t being very creative with dinner ideas right now, but I don’t tend to get very bored with the same meals anyway, so it might be awhile until we branch out further. (Although Dani is about to mail me some of her favorite vegan recipes, so we shall see… I think Topher would like me to kick things up a bit.)

Costco is rocking my world. I’m able to buy veggie patties that are made out of actual vegetables (instead of only soy), dried tart cherries and goji berries without any sulpher additives, huge amounts of organic spinach, carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes, avocadoes, peppers, apples, bananas, wild blueberries, strawberries, kiwi… are you tired of reading my grocery list yet? But it’s nice to buy bulk instead of running to the grocery store 2-3 times a week and stocking up on produce, hoping the price is reasonable. They also have organic nut butters, organic fruit spreads, organic alternative milks, hummus, etc. I’ve been surprised at how easy it is to find things we can actually eat and enjoy.

I make smoothies at least once a day, and tend to put kale and carrots or cucumbers into whatever frozen fruit we have on hand. (Whole Foods has frozen acai on sale this week, blender-ready, both sweetened and unsweetened - healthy!) We usually eat whole-grain oatmeal for breakfast, with applesauce or cut-up fruit and raisins. Lunch is nut butter and jam, or hummus and veggies on a pita, usually with a smoothie. Dinners have been bean and lentil soups, spinach salads, veggie patties, homemade cheese-less pizza with tomato sauce and veggie toppings, bean and veggie burritos… very exciting, yes, I know. Eating out has lost any appeal (outside of not having to make it myself), mostly because menu choices are so limited. Which is probably a healthy thing!

We snack on items like sunflower seeds, dried fruit and baked goods that we’ve homemade, like vegan banana bread or blueberry muffins. Oh, and shhh… chips & salsa, too. (Dr. Fuhrman isn’t a fan of additional salt in the diet, although we get unsalted tortilla chips from WF.) Thumbelina still recognizes the milk in the fridge (which belongs solely to Daddy) and asks me about it every once in awhile. I just tell her we don’t use milk on our cereal anymore, and she accepts that. She hasn’t asked for cereal or yogurt in awhile. Although cheese is still a hopeful request.

I spoke with the naturopath and he clarified that his test will screen 96 different food allergies, so I think we’ll go ahead and move forward with it. Her sensitivities are still a mystery to me and I notice that they continue to flare - so I’m wondering if wheat is a culprit. I hope not! However, I’ve read that it takes up to three weeks to see if eliminating dairy is truly significant, and we’ve only been attempting for a couple weeks. She has not had any dairy whatsoever, except that she ate a Luna bar with me - which I’d read on a dairy-free site was supposed to be dairy-free, but later realized this to not be true. Getting rid of cross-contamination is now our biggest challenge, because everything seems to be put through facilities that also handle dairy. So, I’m a little frustrated we now need to wait another three weeks to see if this is really making an impact or not, due to our Luna bar snack on the go. However, I really think that even if her allergen test shows that she isn’t allergic to dairy, we’ll probably stay off of it for the time being. I feel better not consuming it, even being sick! And I think she does, too.

So, in case anyone is wondering - no, we’re not starving as vegans (yet, anyway). I feel blessed that we’ve reached a comfortable framework for our nutritional desires and that we have the means in which to buy the food we selectively choose. It’s an easy gift to take for granted. I think back to my childhood of steak & potatoes and mac & cheese, realizing that my parents believed every meal should be hardy - and hope that Thumbelina will know that we did our best in trying to feed her as wholesomely as possible. She may roll her eyes at some of our granola habits, but hopefully she’ll recognize the love behind our veggie meals!

colorful concoctions

The other night, I made Thumbelina and myself a blended smoothie in hopes of kicking this cold that we (STILL!) have at the moment. I needed to carry another load of laundry down to the basement, so after reminding her I would be right back (she repeated “riiiiiiiiiiiight back!” to me), I zipped downstairs.

Only to return and see this guilty face waiting for me:

Yes, those are blueberries around her sweet little rosebud mouth. Here is her…creation:

Hmm.

I’m in the midst of reading Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves by Naomi Aldort. I took a deep breath and first… tried not to laugh. (Lately I find myself giggling helplessly at most of her antics, and she now thinks everything is a joke - like it’s really funny to scale the outer stair railing and precariously circle the living room while balancing her tippy-toes on two inches of trim, five feet from the ground.) I squashed my desire to inquire “why” she felt inclined to put the crayons in her freshly-made drink. Instead, I just commented.

“You put crayons in your smoothie!”

Her eyes lit up and she clapped. I finally just laughed.

discovering dandelions

Sometimes, when life seems too complicated - a little time spent with Thumbelina unravels the simplicity.

Dandelions need to be discovered.

And after we’ve picked fistfuls of weeds and marveled at their beauty, the best thing to do is run. Just because we can.

I should follow her lead more often.

ch-ch-ch-changes

Gosh, when I get out of a habit I really… get out of a habit. Like, updating this blog.

Speaking of habits, we are in the midst of a major change around here. Thumbelina and I saw a naturopath last week. It appears that Thumbelina has some major food sensitivities, and he suspects I do as well - so, we’re cutting out meat and dairy (”for the time being,” I keep adding - mostly to just make myself feel better) and going vegan. Eventually we’ll have a blood test done to see exactly what we need to avoid, but the dairy itself I think is a huge component. And… not so fun to give up.

We joined Costco in our quest for bulk (mostly organic) produce, and walking past the gigantic chocolate layer cakes was slightly akin to torture - but, I persevered and we came home with a healthy trunk of fiber. Woo. So far, it’s going well but it’s definitely not easy. We cleaned out our entire pantry and freezer, giving away anything that had dairy within it, since I was worried I might give in if Thumbelina saw something she wanted but couldn’t have. Topher is probably struggling the most, since he’s halfheartedly trying to support my vegan efforts, but… he misses milk and cheese.

Beans are a new world to me. We’ve dumped canned beans on salads in the past, and included them in Mexican food, but… I’ve never actually soaked beans. And now I’m attempting to sprout some and use them generously in our meal times (to varying degrees of success). I realize it’s a process, but I wish we were already comfortable and happy to be eating this way. However, it’s really opened the door to lots of reflection about how food is so easy to misuse - it becomes far too important, much too easily (for me, at least). Food is merely fuel and it only makes sense that we should eat the most nutrient-dense food available to us. (Yes, I’m paraphrasing the Eat to Live book.) I think it will feel more comfortable once the dairy withdrawals have passed. Thumbelina asked for cheese and yogurt and milk and toast (with butter) all.day.long. Poor thing. But I’m already noticing an improvement with her skin sensitivities, so that is helping inspire me to keep going.

In the midst of drinking oat milk and eating trees (as Thumbelina calls her fresh spinach), we’ve gotten out and about quite a bit lately, since Spring has seemingly arrived for good. It’s been alternately sunny and cloudy, with lots of rain on the forecast.

Here’s a snap from yesterday, at the park, on a very windy day:

As for Thumbelina, her cuteness continues to grow exponentially by the day. Normally, Topher is responsible for bedtime after I nurse and hand her off - so I’m not usually around for her bedtime prayers. But, this evening was a little different and I got to hear their typical conversation with God. Topher explained later that they thank God for things that are important to her - and on the list are things like milkshakes and her jungle gym. Barney, Baby Bop, BJ and Riff. Music. Crayons (cullies). Outside. The park. Tickles. Apples. MeeMee & Daddy. He prays in simple phrases, followed by an amen, so it’s very easy for her to participate. She loves it! And she melts me.

So, it took a couple of years, but…

She finally called me Mommy!!!!!

Topher started referring to me as Mommy instead of Mama, because Thumbelina says “maff” for “off,” and “mah” for “mouth,” so we were beginning to wonder if Mama just didn’t make sense to her. But hearing me referred to as Mommy seemed to do the trick right away. It comes out as “MeeMee.” So cute. And she still announces when she’s happy, so I’m glad she hasn’t lost her use of that word. It’s the best thing ever to have her grab my hand and say, “Happy, MeeMee!” And I say, “Are you happy?” And she says, “Fee (what she calls herself) happy!”

This weekend we spent de-cluttering and rearranging. We moved the train table out of the rec room, so now we have more space for Thumbelina’s pretend play stuff and also my treadmill and trampoline. The train table (which we got crazy cheap from Charlene, a parenting group friend, for only $20) is not something I can bear to part with for the time being, but it wasn’t being used in any purposeful way so now it’s going to stay in the garage for a little while. The rec room seems so much bigger without the table taking up so much space. We finished moving Topher’s desk and computer into the living room (since we’re sans furniture, and at this point have a jungle gym hanging out in the middle of it) and turned the third bedroom (formerly the office) into a craft & learning room for Thumbelina. I’m so happy with it! We’ve been dragging this $20 bookshelf from IKEA around the country with us during every move, keeping it in storage and for some reason haven’t ever given it away in all the years we’ve not been using it. But now it’s a great way to keep her activity bins neatly stacked. Lately I’ve been struggling with the poor accessibility to all of the fun stuff we have for Thumbelina to play with, and realizing that some of her things aren’t getting any attention. It seems like such a waste to have toys and activities just sitting around, ignored or lost. She is always moving toys or items from one room to the next, because we haven’t given her a proper sense of where certain things belong. Soooo, now we’ve decided that her kitchen and pretend play items are in the rec room, along with miscellaneous toys. Her bedroom has a bookshelf and baby dolls. The learning room has puzzles, alphabet and numbers activities, art supplies, felt board, small manipulatives for counting & sorting, color & shape activities, matching games, books that are intentionally educational, language activities, instruments and her Calendar & Weather interactive posters. It sounds like a lot, but it really isn’t. (I think I listed all of that out for my own peace of mind.) I can’t stand feeling scattered, and I’ve felt so guilty lately for knowing we have all of these fun things to do together, but half the time I don’t know where anything is - so, hopefully this set up will be great for us. I also bought a clothesline and strung it along the ceiling so we have a specific place to hang up her art projects, most of which have been ending up in the trash lately because she’s always on a creative binge. She fills pages and pages full of scribbles or the most detailed “designs” (when she isn’t asking one of us to draw Barney). I need to start saving a few of the masterpieces and putting them into a scrapbook for safekeeping.

We have more organizing to do tomorrow, but I feel like we’re off to a good start.

Thumbelina has continued her quest for a milkshake, and we’ve spent a lot of time pretending to make one. My smoothies are still a hit, but she doesn’t consider them a shake anymore. She gives me an annoyed look whenever I say, “Let’s go make a shake!” and start getting out frozen fruit. She seems increasingly irritated that we don’t seem to understand what she’s talking about - and I know, you’re probably thinking I’m the meanest mom ever to not go out and buy the poor little sugar addict a real milkshake. The other night, I came home from dinner out with a few mama friends, only to find Thumbelina standing at the top of our stairs and exclaiming, “Shake! Shake! Shake!” over and over again. I asked Topher if he bought her a milkshake while I was gone, and he said “Um…no. Not exactly.” Hmm. Okay. But Thumbelina persisted in talking to me about milkshakes, excitedly mentioning Daddy’s name and pointing to the refrigerator. I eventually opened the door and found a frozen-looking concoction on the top shelf. Topher came in and tried to nonchalantly say, “Oh, yes, we made milkshakes while you were gone. Those are the leftovers.”

Now, the thing about Topher is that he’s only learned how to boil water in the last year. He can therefore make pasta, but he never leaves the stove while it’s cooking, because… well, I’m not sure why. He can brown taco meat and scramble an egg. (We’ve spent nearly five years of marriage practicing these few tricks.) However, none of these facts ran through my mind when he apprehensively mentioned the homemade milkshake in the fridge. I just thought, “I’m glad I bought that ice cream last week. Poor Thumbelina has really been wanting a milkshake.” But, I noticed a horrible grimace when I let her grab the milkshake from me and she took a sip. And then she kind of gagged and half-heartedly said, “Shake.” Hmm. So, I tried it. And nearly threw up!

Topher, watching all of this, completely ignored my reaction and was like, “She LOVED it. We put a few scoops of ice cream, some milk and some syrup together in the blender.”

“Syrup?”

“Yeah, I found a bottle of Aunt Jemima’s syrup in the back of the pantry.”

Gag.

“How come it tastes so salty?”

“Oh, well that’s because I put sea salt in it.”

After talking to him a little bit, I realized the addition of salt came about because he’s watched me make cakes and sweet breads and cookies and they all have salt in it. And those are all really sweet, yummy things. So therefore the salt must somehow interact with the sugar, right? And make it taste good, right…?