a temporary departure from my maternal musings

Topher forwarded me a slideshow today called, “What Celebrities Would Look Like If They Moved to Missouri.” I just about peed my pants. I can’t figure out how to post the actual slideshow but once I realized that his co-worker ganked the pictures from http://www.planethiltron.com, I decided to share some of Planet Hiltron’s genius because they are so damn funny, especially when considering PH’s creations as an illustration of Missouri natives.

Sarah Jessica Parker

Britney

The Simpsons

The Olsens

Jen Garner and Ben Affleck

Hilary Duff

Nicole Richie

the way of change

“One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.” — Chinese Proverb

Yes, yes, yes.

observations

We scoped out a new park today. Thumbelina relished the chance to run, jump, play and stare at people with uninhibited curiosity. She’s done this since she was very little, but now it’s becoming a bit more obvious. The worst was when we had an electrician come over to review a situation for us in the rec room, and he (God bless him) had a very large and mangled keloid growing out of his neck. I held her on my hip as he explained to me his recommendation - and meanwhile she’s leaning out of my arms with single-minded determination, nearly fighting me to let her get close enough for a detailed examination of the unusual!

Fortunately, instead of exclusively staring at people with noticeable differences, she’s beginning to stare at people with whom she seemingly wants to make friends. Today she would run up to someone and stare at the person for a few long moments, sufficiently unsettle them with her scrutiny, then eventually say “HI!” really happily and enthusiastically. Disappointingly, several of the children just stared back at her without a word in reply. Most of the kids were a couple years older than her, so perhaps they were a tad reluctant to play with a little one, but she tried a few more times until finally a little boy said “Hi there!” and she seemed so pleased to be acknowledged. (I admit to feeling a little frustration with the children who ignored her overtures at being friendly - my inner mama bear said something like, “Hey kids, I realize each of you is clueless as to how long and hard I’ve attempted to convince Thumbelina that other people, besides her parents, are safe choices in getting to know, so - could you possibly find it within you to merely return a hello when someone - like, say, my socially-cautious daughter, says hi to you???”) Rrrr.

I’m sure this is an every-mother thing, but I’m so fascinated with discovering Thumbelina’s personality. I wonder so much about what she’s thinking to herself when she stands patiently beside an unfamiliar person, watching them do their thing for a moment and assessing if they’re someone she’d like to greet. (It’s even more entertaining when she cocks her head to the side, shakes it quickly and moves on to size up someone else. I mean, what is she thinking about that person? “Hmm, nah, he’s not worth the effort - the kid won’t even make eye contact with me!”) She seems so quietly interested in everyone around her, but very decided in her method of approaching anyone. She much prefers to observe and listen before communicating. I find something so empowering in Thumbelina’s relaxed confidence as she gains momentum in making connections. She does it her own way and on her own terms - not just within the confines of what we all consider typical.

We walked the balance beam several times today, stopping often to pause and look at noisy children who caught her attention from several feet away with their antics. She dropped my hand each time to fully observe, precariously graceful as she decided whether or not to leap off and chase whoever momentarily caught her eye (which occasionally she deemed necessary). But each time she left, she always returned and insisted on beginning right where she left off.

interesting titles are beyond me

It’s more than a week later, and my little bouquet of Spring continues to bloom and bring sunshine into a dreary winter day:

They still smell lovely, too.

I’ve been working on handmade storybooks for Thumbelina’s birthday, with herself as the adventuresome heroine. Despite my love of doodling, I don’t kid myself. So, I’m using actual photographs of her and editing them to appear as though they possibly were drawn by hand. Sneaky, I know.

I was going to post some examples of how I’ve edited them, but my photo-editing software won’t export to the extent I’ve edited. All it does is send a softened version of what I concocted, which loses the whole purpose in sharing them to begin with - since it’s not how they look, printed. Maybe after the books are finished I’ll take a few pictures. Grr. It’s frustrating because I can print inside the software and they come out exactly as I see them on the screen, but once I export, much of it is lost. So annoying.

Unrelatedly, I’ve learned that Every Man Needs A Chair. Or so I’ve been informed. Topher reluctantly vented yesterday about how tired he is of waiting to paint the house and decorate to my specifications, because in the meantime he’s left with an empty floor and nowhere to sit. “The floor is not an acceptable alternative.” We do have a big recliner hanging out in the living room, but it’s not quite big enough for both of us to sit in there, especially with a toddler who wants to be included. So, tomorrow we are going to Nebraska Furniture Mart and he’s picking out A Chair to Call His Own. I’m exerting enormous effort in choosing to not mention all the expenses we have coming up in March and simply hope that the purchasing of his throne will magically remove the grumps from my normally cheerful husband… and meanwhile also hoping that he doesn’t eventually conclude that since we have a comfy recliner and a big, comfy chair for him - we don’t really need to buy a living room furniture set, right? Ugh. He’s a reasonable guy though and quite careful in heading off situations that create massive protests from me, so I don’t think that will happen. Thankfully.

Speaking of furniture, we don’t have any in the rec room either (as I was also reminded last night). Well, we have a futon but Thumbelina has determined it can fulfill her every gymnastic fantasy. As such, it’s being removed to the garage tonight and we’re ordering a foam-filled bag or sack. Since I haven’t decided which we’re ordering yet, I won’t link to it, but we can’t wait - they look so comfortable! And maybe I’ll get used to having somewhere to sit, too. See? I can be excited about unexpected expenses…

We’ve had three netflix movies hanging around here for weeks, so I told Topher that we HAVE to watch movies this weekend. Since it’s snowy and cold outside, hopefully we can actually do just that - at least tonight, since tomorrow is supposed to be warmer. Like, 38 degrees! Yay.

(Phone update: Sprint said to mail my drowned phone into them and they’ll send me another one for $50. Gosh how generous. We’ve only been paying $10/month in insurance fees, which… I mistakenly thought meant we’re paying for the possible replacement ahead of time and insuring we’re covered in case of accident or loss. No. The insurance is just for a discount on the phone price and alleviates having to re-sign a contract. Which, yes, is a blessing. Because I’m totally going to AT&T next year! I hear that even though THEY don’t have an AT&T campus where we’re located, one can actually use their service and not drop phone calls multiple times daily. Gee, I can’t imagine!)

Plop

I’ve been sick for the past few days, sneezing and coughing and generally out of it. Yesterday, I found myself melting from exhaustion around 2pm, desperately needing a nap - even though I’m usually not one for a siesta. Thumbelina slept earlier than normal, on my lap in the recliner after we returned home from Kindermusik - so she wasn’t about to lay down with mama (I mean… Happy).

Fortunately, even in my delirium, I made sure the room was Thumbelina-proof. (No petroleum jelly products to be found.) She was great! She played with her books, her babies and took plenty of breaks to nurse and cuddle. My phone, however, was somewhat of a distraction, so I stuck it in the hip of my underwear for safekeeping. Big mistake.

When I finally felt like re-joining the world again, we got up and I needed a quick bathroom break. I sleepily began doing what needed doing and - plop. Phone in the toilet. Thumbelina said, “WHOAAAAAAAA!” and then clapped for me. (She thinks everything we do is for her entertainment.)

Topher came home eventually and insisted the phone would be fine. This is, after all, my second phone in under a year. I’m guessing he knows someone who knows someone whose phone drowned in a lake and it worked perfectly fine afterwards. I just smiled and refrained from agreeing or disagreeing, since I knew full well that within 24 hours we’d be purchasing a new phone - since this one would be too wonky to continue. And, of course, by bedtime the phone’s keypad wouldn’t work. Woo. (We have phone insurance. I think my new phone will be free. I hope.)

So, we are stuck at home today since I’m a paranoid person and of the over-protective safety-enthusiast generation of mothers. I can’t go anywhere without a cell phone because - what if something happens, right? Though, I honestly still feel pretty awful so a day of rest will be good for us. Which is a little disappointing, but being home for a day isn’t so bad. Laundry awaits me - ew - but, we picked up our 25lbs of organic, whole wheat, freshly-ground flour from a local farmer co-op (through our parenting group) on Friday, so I think we’ll bake bread this afternoon and I’ll put soup in the crockpot. Preferrably chicken noodle soup, since I need some healing vibes to end this illness (and the resulting lack of coherent decision-making).

In case anyone’s wondering, Thumbelina’s hair is back to normal. Whew.

hair woes

Thumbelina’s hair is a source of focus at the moment. Friday night, I realized she desperately needed a trim. So, she took a lovely bath, dressed for bed in her warm, fuzzy pjs and we used applesauce as a nice diversion. I cut off an inch or so in the back, trimmed up the sides and ever-growing-out bangs - voila! A newly coiffed little girl.

But. Sunday - supposedly a day of rest - inspired Thumbelina to find her way into the master bathroom while Topher slept unaware in our bed during nap time. He found her covered in Vaseline from head to toe. I heard his bellow of surprise and as I was walking upstairs to see what happened - she emerged from the bedroom, ran directly to me and met my eyes warily, unsure of how I might react. I said, “Did you paint yourself so pretty?” She immediately said, “Oh!” (her word for “YES!”), clapped her hands and cheered for herself. Yeah, yay.

We spent the next two hours attempting to get Vaseline out of the carpet, off the wall and mostly from the mess of tumbled hair upon Thumbelina’s head. I did a quick search online for home remedies and came up with a site that listed cornstarch or cornmeal POWDER. Um, apparently cornmeal - as in what I use to make cornbread? - is not the same thing. I dumped a handful onto Thumbelina’s head and all it did was absorb a very small amount of the Vaseline and stick mercilessly to each and every strand of hair. I spent nearly 45 minutes washing, rinsing, combing and hurriedly trying to restore some sense of normalcy to Thumbelina’s head, but mostly to no avail. She was super traumatized, so we took a nursing break and I combed more cornmeal out of her little bitty head. Now that it’s dried, her hair is so gross and greasy looking, poor thing. I think I’m going to try a beaten raw egg today… I’m a little nervous about doing that, since she’s never eaten any eggs and the last thing I want is for some of the raw egg to wind up in her mouth, so… perhaps a tad more research is in order before I start experimenting again.

Happy V-Day!

A friend and I joked today about how Valentine’s Day is infinitely simpler once one is married. Vanished are the high school moments of being unattached and pasting on a smile as friends around us squeal over gifts from boyfriends. We agreed that dating someone on February 14th during those years was equally stressful - because the expectations were so high, and tremendous pressure placed upon the object of our affection and the depth of his outward expression. Ew! I wish I could go back in time and give my teenage-self a pep talk about a little thing called self-esteem. I much prefer the adult version of Valentine’s Day. (I keep re-reading that last sentence and wondering if it sounds like I’m alluding to porn or leather and chains, maybe. Hmm. I’m not.)

I woke up this morning to find some pretty roses awaiting me in my kitchen.

Mmm, so lovely! Thumbelina and I inhaled their scent. (Or at least I did. She nearly hyperventilated from trying to mimic my deep breaths.)

Next to my roses lay a card and jewelry box. I opened both and discovered a beautiful heart pendant on a chain (very enlarged in this pic):

(And yes, I went hunting for the picture off the jeweler’s website because I couldn’t photograph it for the life of me… despite many attempts.)

I used to collect hearts when I was little. Heart-shaped keepsake boxes in particular, but I also had a heart-shaped locket, a heart-shaped birthstone ring and even a heart-shaped trunk. Those things are gone now, but this thoughtful present from Topher brought back those memories.

Thumbelina wore her red leggings with silver hearts. I actually remember buying them for her months ago and thinking, “I hope she can still wear these on Valentine’s Day!” …because I’m a big nerd.

bathtubbery

Thumbelina and I have bathtub chats every morning. Despite being unable to articulate words very well, she does have an extensive repertoire of interesting expressions. Whenever she’s making a specific appeal - syllables tumbling out of her mouth at rapid fire as I struggle to make sense of what I’m hearing - she shakes her head in seeming disbelief and moves her eyes to one side, as if speaking in the spirit of conspiratorial whispers between friends. And when I gasp or exclaim with understanding, she sagely nods her head as if yes, her point has been made. (In case anyone is wondering, that blob on her left ear is a chunk of earwax. Mmm, lovely, I know.)

In other exciting bathtub news, we’ve waited nearly two years in anticipation of enough hair to adorn Thumbelina’s pretty little head for creation of a ‘poo style. The day has arrived! She spent an extensive amount of time in the water today, fashioning her hair with copious amounts of California Baby shampoo and even requesting barrettes and a hairbow to complete the transformation from ordinary to Fabulous.

thrift, Lent and love

I think my mother was well-intentioned when she told us to stay out of thrift shops. She would explain that many people ‘less fortunate’ than us were more deserving, poised to discover the discarded treasures that we, in our abundance, had no right to pilfer. Even on Halloween, when everybody went thrifting to find old prom dresses for princess attire, or wedding gowns to be corpse brides - nope, we weren’t allowed to shop at any thrift store. My mother would rather we pay retail prices then get something for $2, secondhand. Of course, there might have been an ounce or two of snobbery in the admonishment. (Ya think?)

I didn’t even set foot into a thrift store until the last couple of years when I started thinking about our eco footprint and the benefits of reusing items instead of purchasing new. Discovering Freecycle was like hitting the jackpot - an easy way to get rid of our excess stuff and occasionally score something much-needed and easily reused. I’ve gotten bed-risers, preemie clothes and a toddler bed for free. I still cringe thinking about all I carelessly wasted or unnecessarily bought new… Now, however, thrifting is becoming an addiction. It’s so fun! I often don’t buy anything when I go out, but I’m always in search of handmade items or other unusual but useful things. This weekend, I found these crocheted and knitted blankets:

(Incidentally, that wicker cabinet is also thrifted.)

With Lent being here, I set out yesterday in search of a visual reminder of my purpose during this season of conversion. I plopped Thumbelina in her carseat and away we went. I passed so many wonderful photo opportunities, but it’s hard to pull over to the side of a rural highway and find a place to park the car, you know? But we saw a few pairs of cuddling cows, several feasting llamas and bales upon bales of stacked hay. Eventually we pulled into a lake area and I was amazed by the stillness. (Apparently nobody hangs out at camping grounds when it’s 19 degrees outside, who knew?) I came across this tree, plucked out of the earth by it’s roots, still clinging to the dirt:

I found it to be so helpful in thinking about the purpose of my struggle during this Lenten season. Being called to conversion, yet still attached to worldly comforts that often distract me from focusing more deeply in prayer. Endeavoring to root out sin from my life and replace my self-absorption with virtue. Occasionally being knocked over by temptation. Waiting for Spring to come - the flowers to bloom and the sky to deepen with blue, the grass freshly scented with new life. Awaiting the resurrection of Jesus.

This picture reminded me of the journey during Lent. The obstacles that exist between myself and the hope of softening and surrendering my heart to God. Striving for the icy hardness of my pride to melt away as I entrust my will more perfectly to His.

Thumbelina has been saying “Ah-shoo! Ah-shoooooo!” for a few weeks now, and neither Topher or I could figure out what it meant. She spoke it at seemingly random times - nursing in the afternoon, waking in the middle of the night, accepting a bowl of apple slices, after bath time. Finally, one day I kissed her, gave her a squeeze and said how much I loved her. She immediately said, “Ah-shooo, Happy!” So, I guess she loves me too?

trashbags are genius

We made Valentine’s day cards for our little friends today. Thumbelina is interested in simple wooden puzzles lately, so I thought it might be fun and fitting for her to paint a few heart-shaped puzzles and send those as off as her token of love. But apparently acrylic paint isn’t very friendly with cardboard and tends to get somewhat gluey. It still works, you just have to carefully break apart the puzzle pieces so as to not destroy them. But I can’t decide if I should quickly whip up new cards or go ahead and send them anyway, since… Thumbelina worked so hard on them. But wouldn’t it be sad if a little kiddo opened a card, thought he had a tiny puzzle to break apart and put back together again, but then the entire thing collapsed on him? I’m probably over-thinking this.

Princess Thumbelina chose this sophisticated tiara from the clearance section at Michaels. She wanted to take home an entire assortment, but I knew better then to let that happen. Whenever she has several choices of the same item, she wants to wear each of them simultaneously - and insists that I wave my mommy-magic-wand to make such impossibilities a reality.

Life is much simpler with only one tiara.